Posted by: Alton Rocker | April 21, 2011

Give Your Spouse a “TAP”

Conflict Resolution

Is this a TAP?

Rev. 2:4 – 5 “I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.  Remember the height from which you have fallen!  Repent and do the things you did at first.” NIV

The TAP Principle

When couples are first together there is an excitement and joy that permeates the relationship.  That excitement doesn’t just happen, it is created by the things we do and how we respond to each other.  Just remember to give each other a TAP throughout the day.  The three areas we forget most are Touch, Attention, and Pardon: TAP!


Early in our time together we look for ways to Touch.  A simple caress, holding hands, a shoulder massage, any excuse to make physical contact is looked for in the early part of a relationship.  This is not about Sex!  It is finding a way to make a small connection that says “I care about you.”  One counselor says that a great idea to fulfill the need for touch is to give your spouse at 60 second hug before you leave in the morning and when you come home in the evening.  Two minutes a day will help to make that connection.  If you are too hurried in your life to give two minutes to your spouse, then you have forgotten the law of first things.


Attention is the second part of our daily tap.  Do you remember when you used to sit across the table from each other, gaze in each other’s eyes, and hang on every word?  Take time in your day to look each other in the eye and ask about the other’s day.  Your attention and concern is one of the most important things you can give in a relationship.


Finally when we started our relationship, we were willing to overlook the little transgressions that happened throughout the day.  Forgiveness and forbearance are the things that keep you healthy and keep the relationship alive.  Take a moment and Pardon the things that your mate has done so that you can look at them with your full attention and be willing to give a special touch.  All it takes is a little “TAP” for your relationship to stay on track.



  1. One thing that we learned many years ago that is in addition to Attention is our Ten and Ten’s, We take ten minutes each day to just sit and listen to our spouse share about what is going on today with them. Then we switch and let the other partner share for ten minutes. The listening spouse does not interrupt except for simple clarification. It usually turns into longer than ten minutes for most couples that we have suggested this to. Try it and enjoy the attention.

    • Thanks Larry, that’s a great suggestion. I’ll pass that along to our Facebook and Twitter followers. I doubt if most couples could count ten minutes a week of one on one, face to face listening time. It would certainly improve the relationship if they would take the time. Your input is always appreciated.

  2. This is a good look at the topic and a great way for guys to keep in touch.

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